I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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