oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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