....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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