Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
