She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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