is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
