I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
