i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
