So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
