Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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