I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
