I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
