Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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