feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
