Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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