Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The air was thick with penises
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
