I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
