She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pants are for mortals
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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