I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
