i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
