Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
how does that bad decision feel?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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