How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
