I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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