I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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