Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
