you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
