he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
