well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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