So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
