for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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