my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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