You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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