you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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