high people should be assigned attendants
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
