So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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