I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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