the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
