She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
