You're my little dorito
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
