he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
