I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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