I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
