I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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