she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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