Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
