2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
