So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
