Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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