we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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