So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
