so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
