dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
