How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's rum buckets o'clock
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
