He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
