somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Randomize
