where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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