woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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