I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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