my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
