i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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