No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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