OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
