Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
