Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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