honey bunches of taint.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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