Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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