Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
