dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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