Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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