did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
