chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
