Who wears a wallet chain?!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
