Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
